Nightmares
by SapphireMind
Summary: A story that branches off from a scene in Book 4.  Spoilers present, FYI.  Kaylee needs to deal with Avari, but moreso, she needs to deal with what Nash has gone and given up and whether reconciliation is actually possible.  K/N K/T K/Alec


AN: Slight AU about a scene from the 4th book, leading into a scene or two I felt either should or will happen. The first part in italics is the part written by Rachel Vincent, to set the scene. No copyright infringement is intended, all rights belong to her.

O o o o o O

"_Would you believe that while I'm in this body, I can feel everything it feels? And it _likes_ this arrangement." He shifted over me, and I bit my lip against a scream, knowing Avari enjoyed every single moment of my fear. "Have you and Alec done this before?" _

_I couldn't talk. I couldn't do anything but ride the horror in silence, desperately hoping I was still dreaming. That this was part of the nightmare._

_He let go of my left wrist to brush hair from my face, then wedged one leg between my knees._

I reached out wildly to grab at something, anything to hit him with, landing on my alarm clock. I pulled it and tried to smash it down on Alec's head but I was just a little too slow. Avari grabbed my left arm again, making me drop the clock, transferring my hand so his left firmly ensnared both hands.

Before I could realize what was happening, Avari leaned down and was kissing me, tongue in my mouth, pressing his body down harder against mine. For a few stunned moments I almost seemed to be responding to him mindlessly, then I came to my senses and bit down on his tongue, hard, causing him to draw back.

Blood dribbled down Alec's chin as he smirked at me, "Fighting dirty, I like that." His free hand moved down and ripped open the PJ top I was wearing, baring me to him. "I was able to experience this from your side, but I want to know how it feels from the other side." He chuckled as the horror bloomed on my face, knowing exactly what he referring to. His hand slid over my breasts, flicking at my small nipple almost painfully as his other leg insinuated itself between my legs.

"Stop it!" I arched against him, the panic starting to swell.

Avari groaned in a disturbingly happy way. It was hard to keep thinking about him as just Avari though, with Alec's body responding to the situation. Alec's mouth moving to kiss and nip at my breasts. Alec's free hand moving down and starting to push at the waistband of my sleep shorts.

I moaned when I realized just how far this might go. I tried to figure out a plan, something that would stop this before it went any further. In a sudden flash, I had a plan, as terrible as it was. I moaned again, in what could possibly be interpreted as pleasure, letting Alec's name escape my lips.

Avari reacted how I hoped he might, moving back up to kiss my mouth again while pressing Alec's reaction further into me. I moaned again and accepted the kiss this time, feigning that I was interested until I found the right moment.

The right moment presented itself when Avari tried to focus on getting Alec's pants down while still kissing me. I braced myself, then pulled back carefully and slammed my head into Avari's as hard as I could.

Avari roared in pain, rearing back from me, allowing me to get my fingers back around the alarm clock. This time I wasn't slow. This time I knocked Alec out cold.

I ran out into the living room where my dad was bound, making sure he was still breathing and ok, somehow managing to not cry hysterically. I grabbed my phone and called Nash, without even thinking.

"Hello?" His voice was clearly just coming out of slumber.

"Nash, I could use some help over here right now." My voice sounded odd, even to me. Overly calm and formal, trying very hard to hold everything together. I couldn't afford to lose it, not with the chance that Avari could come back. Without any other words, the line went dead and I knew he was en route.

I knew Alec needed to be restrained, but I just couldn't make myself go back into my bedroom. Instead I grabbed the big butcher's knife and held it tightly, sitting as far away as possible from the entrance to my room, waiting and watching for any sign that Alec was going to attack me again.

O o o o o o O

Nash arrived, out of break and clearly had dressed in a hurry, his face looking more alarmed as he took in my disheveled appearance. My heart sped up in relief and gratefulness that it only took a few words and he would be there to support me. He saw me clutching the knife and approached slowly, carefully. "Are you ok, Kaylee?"

"Nash? Is it really you?" I searched his face, looking for any sign that he was Avari, riding Nash.

He took a careful step forward, mindful of my fragile mental state and the large knife I was brandishing. "Yeah, it's me. What happened?" His eyes scanned the room, noting my restrained father.

I cried out in anguish, realizing I couldn't even ask him any questions to ensure it was him – he had already let Avari in to see all of our memories together. My cry made him even more alarmed. "Where's Alec?" he asked, noting quickly the absence of our normal couch-surfer.

My head motioned to my bedroom, and he went in to investigate, coming out looking pale. "Kaylee…Are you alright?" He spoke the words hesitantly, bringing new meaning to them, having found Alec unconscious in my bed with his pants undone.

"I…I stopped him. Eventually." And with that I started crying. I didn't know for sure that Nash was Nash, but I couldn't hold it together any longer. I dropped the knife and Nash crouched beside me, folding me into his arms and trying to soothe me.

I could see Nash's eyes taking inventory of my bruises and marks – Avari hadn't been concerned with being gentle or discrete. He kissed the top of my head lightly when my hysterics had calmed slightly. "Wait here, I'm going to make sure Alec is restrained."

Nodding, I remained huddled in the corner until Nash returned, dragging the bound body behind him. "Is he still alive?" Despite what Avari had done with his body, I wasn't comfortable with the idea that I might have killed Alec.

Nash frowned unhappily. "Yeah, he's still alive for now." His eyes were swirling madly, his rage just under the surface. "Let me see what he did." He crouched back down with me, gentle fingers lightly dancing over the bruised skin.

"I'm fine. No permanent damage." I sounded more sure of that than I felt, part of my mind flashing back to being helpless underneath Avari. "Thank you for coming over." It didn't fully express my gratitude, but it's all I could come up with.

"Kaylee…I love you." His frown deepened, the rage in his eyes now tinged with anguish. "I would do anything for you."

I stiffened. I knew on some level he was trying to make me feel better, but the deep part of me that was still screaming from hurt over what he had allowed Avari do to me was crying out for blood. "Except protect me." My words were out before I could swallow them back.

He flinched as if he had been slapped. He opened his mouth to try and come up with something to say to that, but I cut him off, pulling down the neck of my shirt, showing the bite marks and hickeys that had been left there, tears overflowing now. Once I started down this mental path, there was no turning back. "Do you know how it feels for me? Yes, I'm inexperienced, and now my only experiences have been my boyfriend molesting me while a Hellion possessed my body that I have no memory of – not only that, but he allowed it to keep happening, having no idea what said Hellion was doing to me or having me do. And now, that same Hellion tries to rape me with body of a friend because he wanted to see what it was like from the other side." And it was finally out. The anger and blame and some of the deep hurt I felt at Avari being allowed to skinride my body. I watched the blood drain from Nash's face, conflicting emotions warring about whether to comfort him or to go on. Unfortunately the tide was already coming in and there was no stopping it.

"Kaylee…I didn't - "

"Yeah, you didn't. You only felt me up, but what if I had sex with you while Avari was in me? Or with someone else? I couldn't control it, I had no idea it was happening! Did you even stop to consider that since you gave him free reign in my body he might have abused it in other ways? That he could say that he did anything and I would never be able to really know for sure whether it was a lie or not? And you tried to Influence me into having sex with you. Do you really think that would be any less rape than what Avari tried tonight?"

Nash started looking ill as I continued. It was clear he hadn't thought of all the potential consequences that haunted me at night. "I'm…I'm so sorry." I could tell he knew those words were inadequate, but they were all he had.

Some of my vitriol expended, I sighed and replied dully, "I am too. I'm sorry you didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on in the beginning, when you first got that whiff of Demon's Breath. I'm sorry you sold every happy memory of me you had. Ever since my mother died, I've been betrayed, time and time again. My dad couldn't face me. My aunt and uncle committed me. And you…The first person I loved…You abused me so you could get your fix." I buried my face in my hands and sobbed.

As the full impact of my words continued to sink in, he made a motion to put his arm around me in comfort, but seemed to reconsider that. "I'll be right back," he muttered, standing shakily and dialing his phone. I heard a few rapid mumbles, then Tod's voice, suddenly in my living room too.

Nash stood back a bit, his eyes still tumultuous from the heartbreak and pain I had just unloaded onto him. Tod obviously was clueless as to the details of the pain freely flowing, but could make some guesses. He sat down next to me, and I immediately leaned in and allowed him to put his arms around me, his hand rubbing small circles on my back, making soft, vaguely comforting noises until my hysterics calmed.

"What the hell?" My dad, finally regaining consciousness, looked around, baffled as to his lingering marks of restraints, Alec trussed up like a hog and me in Tod's arms as a miserable Nash looked on. "What happened?"

I explained to my dad the quick version, leaving out the details of what Avari/Alec had tried to do, afraid of what his reaction might be. He took in what I said, I think he had an idea that more had happened, but he didn't push me. Instead he turned to Nash. "You, you need to go home. I'll call Harmony and let her know what's happening." He turned to Tod. "You, go back to…Wherever it is you go when you aren't bothering my daughter." His tone was hard and it was clear that this whole thing had upset him deeply, even without knowing the details.

Nash nodded, giving a pointed look to Tod, then walked to the door. "Kaylee?" he began hesitantly.

I nodded in reply, "We'll talk tomorrow." I was now exhausted and my eyes were drooping. He nodded again, then walked out the door.

Tod faded from existence, then his voice came back to only me "I'll be back in a few to see if you need anything."

Dad called Uncle Brendan to help keep watch over Alec while he pushed me back to my room to try and get some sleep.

O o o o o o o O

Once I was in my room with the door locked and my desk chair wedged under the handle, I took off my shirt to examine the damage done in more detail. I winced when I saw my reflection in the mirror.

My wrists were irritated and might end up with true bruising. There were definitely some finger marks as well on my arms that I hoped would fade. The worst of course was the fairly large hickey on my right collarbone, a small one on my right breast and the bite impression that still lingered on my left breast around the nipple. It thankfully hadn't broken the skin, so I wouldn't have to worry about infection, but it was sore and likely to bruise itself. Luckily the weather was cold and would it easy to hide under clothes.

I heard a sharp intact of air a few feet behind me and I instantly turned bright red, pulling my shirt back on, though really it was the last thing I wanted to wear. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" I hissed angrily, embarrassed at being caught topless and at my injuries. When my shirt was on I rounded to face Tod, whose face was even paler than you would expect from a reanimated corpse.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think you would be changing…" He trailed off, looking disturbed, though his eyes remained controlled. His voice came out somewhat strangled. "Who did that?"

My blush faded as I crossed over to my bed, sitting down with my back against the wall, holding tightly onto my pillow. "Avari, who else?" My voice was still very soft, for fear that my father would hear me talking and figure out Tod was in here with me.

Tod's jaw was tight and I could see his blue eyes swirling almost dangerously. "No, I mean, who was he riding?" Every muscle was taut on the Reaper's body.

I couldn't read Tod as well as Nash, but I saw how dangerous he was in that moment. "It wasn't his fault. He had no control over it." As disturbing as it was for Alec to have been involved, I did know that he had no say in what Avari did while inhabiting his body.

"Who. Was. It." Tod's anger spilled through even more, his eyes twisting and swirling dangerously.

I debated about what the best answer would be in the situation, then finally settled on the truth. "Alec. He doesn't know. I'm not even sure I'm going to tell him. It isn't fair to blame him." Though I did a little, if I allowed myself to admit it.

Tod took a deep breath and let it out with a shudder. "Alright." I could read relief in his posture and expression. "Are you sure you're ok?" He paused then continued, "Did he do," again his voice sounded strangled, "anything else?"

"You thought it was Nash, didn't you?" I could see the answer was 'yes' on his face as clear as a neon sign. "And no, I stopped him before," my breath caught and I stumbled with the magnitude of what just happened, "before he could do anything else."

Tod gave a terse nod, furrowing his brow. "Did he break the skin anywhere? Do you need me to contact my Mom?" Worry was now starting to overtake anger.

"No! Please. Please don't tell anyone. I don't want to have to deal with it with all of them. Please?" I begged him, leaning forward.

He continued to frown. "You're going to have to deal with it eventually. With all of this." Clearly referencing the entire messed up situation with Nash and I.

I gave a faint smile, "Are there counselors who specialize in _bean sidhes_?"

"Good point," Tod said with a grin. He motioned to the bed beside me, asking if he could sit with me. I nodded and he again wrapped his arm around me. "I can listen too, any time you want."

"Thank you," I murmured, leaning up against him again, prompting him to put his arm around me. "I don't know if I can yet. I just dumped the big load on Nash."

Tod nodded, resting his head on top of mine. "I'm not going to say he didn't deserve it for what he did to you."

Guilt welled up. "Yeah, but he's still fragile and I may have just made it harder on him."

He shrugged. "Nash made his own bed. I'm just so sorry this happened to you at all." Tod pulled me closer. "I should have protected you."

I rolled my eyes. "Tod, no one made you the official 'Kaylee watcher', last I checked. It's not your fault."

He didn't respond at first, just held me tighter. Finally he whispered softly, "You should get some sleep."

"I don't know if I will be able to." I hesitated, then asked timidly, "Could you stay here with me?"

He kissed the top of my head lightly, "If that will make you feel better. I know it will make me feel better to be back on Kaylee watch." Another soft smile that I returned.

We ended up laying down next to each other, curled up. I was actually able to get some sleep.


End file.
